Thoughts on the Music I Heard This Year (Part Two): “The Music Industry is Lying to You”

You might get the impression that a lot of music pissed me off in 2013 and while it is true that lots of music (and many other things) got my ire cranking during the last year, there was a lot of really great music this year and I’m happy that I got to listen to some of it.

This is not a countdown of my favorite albums of the year because I hate those. I don’t believe that nine or nineteen or 49 albums are measurable and precise intervals worse than my favorite album of the year and I think it’s silly to pretend they are. How the fuck do you calculate that, of all the albums released on the planet this year, How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident is precisely the 72nd best? You don’t, because that would be silly.

Yes, the new Future of the Left album is my favorite album of 2013 and my other favorites are all albums that, like How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident, thrilled me to the point of distraction. So rather than some artificial countdown, think of this as “If you only had to hear six or seven albums from 2013, these are my recommendations.” But think of it with the following grain of salt – you might totally fucking despise the things I like and that is absolutely your right.

So what do I love so much about How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident? First off, I love how it came into existence – Future of the Left announced a PledgeMusic campaign in the spring which, understandably, hit its goal in short order. I was able to send some money to the band so they could make this album and in return, I got a signed copy of the album, a T-shirt, and a digital copy of their Love Songs for Our Husbands EP. The band asked for help from their fans and then made an excellent and sincere show of gratitude. Oh yeah, and they made an album full of all the things I like from Future of the Left – sarcasm,  yelling, pounding drums, crunchy guitars, and kazoos. Okay, the kazoos are new but they really tie “Things to Say to Friendly Policemen” together:

The Pitchfork review of this album pointed out How to Stop Your Brain‘s implied critique of macho asshole behavior but then kind of chided the band for providing “no model for a better society” which I find a little bit odd. This is a website that chose the new Vampire Weekend album as the best album of 2013 and if there is a vision for a better society in that band’s music, I haven’t heard it. Forgive me, but I don’t see how a society where everyone endlessly plagiarizes Graceland is any better than the one we have now. Besides, Future of the Left has never been what you would call “solution-focused” (unless you count their suggestion that we “re-imagine god as just a mental illness” on Travels with Myself and Another). Andrew Falkous’s sarcasm, wielded with a skill and precision that cannot be taught, is probably indicative of a certain amount of hopelessness. Mind you, I don’t know the guy – maybe he’s a wide-eyed idealist like me but I doubt it. So why would a guy like me listen to such (on its surface, at least) negative music? There’s a certain catharsis inherent in the sharply barbed wit of Future of the Left’s music and what I love about How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident in particular is that the two minute bursts of catchy-yet-snide stuff (“There’s nothing like a military coup,” sings Falco on “Johnny Borrell Afterlife” before adding, “The clothes are great / and everybody loves a curfew”) are occasionally offset but things like the opening line to “I Don’t Know What You Ketamine (But I Think I Love You)” which goes like so: “One day/ Soon/ Let’s talk about love/ like we talk about food: Generously/ and then/ without irony.” Cheeky title notwithstanding, the song opens with an honest (and, to my mind anyway, laudable) sentiment. Plus, I’m just generally in favor of doing things without irony. 

Obviously, Future of the Left isn’t for everyone but you probably didn’t start reading a music blog called Bollocks! to hear about stuff that might be for everyone. That said, I’m pretty sure most people who like music and/or joy will find something to love about Janelle Monáe’s The Electric Lady. 

One of the great things about life now is that, if you have the privilege of access to the internet and leisure time, you can find the music of pretty much anyone that your friends recommend to you. I read about Monáe when her first full-length, The Arch-Android, came out in 2010 but didn’t get around to listening to her until this year. I tend not to describe a lot of music as being “a revelation” but that’s what The Electric Lady is – it’s a truly thrilling, surprising slice of science fiction-infused soul. All of Monáe’s recorded output of which I am aware takes place in this sort of alternate reality (maybe the future?) where androids are marginalized and abused by mainstream society. But they are led in resistance by Cindi Mayweather, the ostensible alter-ego of Janelle Monáe. In 2011, Monáe told the London Evening Standard“I speak about androids because I think the android represents the new ‘other’. You can compare it to being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a black woman … What I want is for people who feel oppressed or feel like the ‘other’ to connect with the music and to feel like, ‘She represents who I am’.” 

I can’t, as a heterosexual white guy, connect with Monáe’s music from a standpoint of marginalization – just like I can’t connect with, say, Bikini Kill or Curtis Mayfield in the same way that women and people of color do. It would be dishonest, not to mention a bit foolish. Where I strongly connect to Monáe’s work is as 1) someone who loves a good R&B record (and The Electric Lady is a great R&B record) and 2) someone who can quite easily imagine a world where people aren’t chronically fucked over because they are viewed as “less-than” in the eyes of the dominant culture (indeed, I can quite easily imagine an end to “dominant culture” – I told you I’m a wide-eyed idealist). Like a lot of the music I love (Mayfield, Bikini Kill, Le Tigre, Bratmobile, Public Enemy – I could go on), The Electric Lady offers ironclad proof that we never have to choose between style and substance. We can have music that is aesthetically astounding and demands liberation at the same time. Isn’t that what all good art should do?

Writing about and thinking about Janelle Monáe and Future of the Left all morning (it takes me longer to write this stuff than it used to) has led me to a pretty happy conclusion – these are probably the two albums that I have listened to the most in 2013 (and they both came out in the last half of the year) and they both suit different sides of my personality. How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident is loud, sarcastic and (somewhat) diagnostic while The Electric Lady is bombastic, stylistically diverse, and (somewhat) prescriptive. In terms of hopelessness and hopefulness, they kinda balance each other out in some way. It may not work for you, but it does for me.

Those are only two of my favorites from 2013 – I guess you’ll have to wait until 2014 to read about (if you want to, that is – we don’t force anyone to read blogs around here) some of the others, which include albums by Neko Case, Aye Nako, Hilly Eye, The Julie Ruin, and probably some others I’m forgetting.

In the meantime, here’s a link to “Dance Apocalyptic” from The Electric Lady: 

Happy New Year!

Great Fucking Albums #23: Electric Version

Since my little hiatus, I’ve stuck a bunch of creative irons in the fire, many of which have something to do, at least tangentially, with Bollocks! I realized yesterday that it’s been a while since we’ve had an installment of Great Fucking Albums and I happen to think that’s a goddamn shame because 1) I really like talking about Great Fucking Albums and 2) I’m willing to be that I’m not the only one who enjoys listening to them.

On a long enough timeline (like another year or two), the New Pornographers could find themselves discussed in this feature at least three times. Their first two albums, Mass Romantic and Electric Version, were excellent and last year’s Together saw the New Pornos knocking it out of the park once again. That means fully sixty percent of the New Pornographers’ albums are Great Fucking Albums and the other forty percent are still pretty goddamn good. We’ll set aside their other work for another time and focus our attention on Electric Version for today. Why? Because I’ve been listening to it almost nonstop the last few weeks and if I can’t stop listening to something, that usually means it’s time to write about it.

For starters, the album lives up to its name, consisting of thirteen breezy tracks of electric pop (we don’t like to say “power pop” here at Bollocks!), more manic and bouncy than even Mass Romantic managed to be. The first six tracks are as unrelenting and indelible as anything you will hear on your Top-40 radio stations but I’ve only ever heard the New Pornographers on NPR. Why is that? Because commercial radio fucking blows, that’s why.

The album opens with a great pair of tunes, “The Electric Version” and “From Blown Speakers”, both of which make specific allusions to sound that, for me, outline the album’s ethos. “The Electric Version” talks about screeching tires being the sound of God and “From Blown Speakers” suggests the proper volume at which to listen to Electric Version – “it came out magical/ out from blown speakers.” And indeed, Electric Version is best heard at the loudest volume permitted by law (and your neighbors, I guess). Though wrecking your sound system might actually inhibit your enjoyment of the New Pornographers quite a bit. Use your own discretion there.

I forget where I read it, but someone once described the New Pornographers’ songwriting style (Carl Newman and Dan Bejar wrote all of the tunes on Electric Version) as “chorus-chorus-chorus” as opposed to the standard “verse-chorus-verse” style employed by your less catchy performers. I’m pretty sure the person who made that assertion was listening to Electric Version when that thought occurred to them. It’s as though the New Pornographers tried to craft an album made entirely of hooks. Rhythm guitar parts from this album get stuck in my head (especially the parts on “From Blown Speakers” and “Chump Change”) from time to time, as do Newman’s insane background vocals on “The Laws Have Changed.”

And I still haven’t mentioned one of the New Pornographers’ biggest assets. Dan Bejar and Carl Newman wrote the songs and sing lead on many of them, which is cool. I like bands with more than one singer. But the New Pornographers are not content to employ just two formidable vocalists. They also have Neko Fucking Case, who is arguably the best female vocalist doing music right now. She is easily in the top five. Or, if she’s not in your personal top five, I will accept two excuses as valid: 1) you have never heard Neko Case or 2) you hate joy. I suppose you could hate joy and that’s why you’ve never listened to Neko Case. But it’s your loss. Case contributes stellar background and harmony parts (particularly to the outro of the Bejar-fronted “Testament to Youth in Verse”), sure, but when she steps to the front on songs like “The Laws Have Changed” and “All for Swinging You Around,” all the other would-be awesome pop bands pack up their shit and head home. It was gonna be tough for them to run with the New Pornographers in the first place, but what could they do against a band that writes songs like those and has a singer like her? If you guessed “fuckall,” you guessed right.

I’ve probably argued a million times (and once in this post) that the New Pornographers make exactly the kind of music that the radio ought to be playing and one of the trillion or so reasons I think so is because the New Pornos are precisely 95 times more clever than your average pop group. Electric Version is littered with great lines, like this couplet from “Miss Teen Wordpower” – “This kind of blank adventure happens all the time/ because nobody knows the wreck of the soul the way you do.” I am also quite fond of Dan Bejar’s casually delivered, “I don’t know much/ but other singers know less” on “Ballad of a Comeback Kid.”

For all the winking humor of their lyrics (Dan Bejar seems to save his best lines for New Pornographers songs, which is why I want to like Destroyer more than I do), the New Pornographers, at their best, are a band that delivers incredibly well-crafted pop songs to your brain with almost alarming frequency. It’s not one singer (although, I feel it prudent to point out one more time that one of their singers is Neko Case. Neko Case!) or a flashy guitar player that makes Electric Version great. It’s the fact that you can listen to it just once, say to yourself, “This is really fucking good,” and then proceed to listen to it again and again and again.

Rocktoberfest Acht

So yeah, my friends and I, in a bout of total unoriginality, started this annual party called Rocktoberfest back in 2002. Rocktoberfest is a celebration of beer and friendship and meat and rocking until you break yourself. If that sounds childish and/or unimportant to you, maybe you should attend Rocktoberfest before you go judging things you don’t understand. Or maybe you’re humorless California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman, who doesn’t seem to like anything at all, especially if it has ever a) been in a union or b) been poor. But I digress.

This year was the 8th annual Rocktoberfest (Rocktoberfest Acht in German. So Achtoberfest, as my pal Jom pointed out while quite drunk) and we held it at my friend Badier’s mostly former house in Menlo Park, which is dangerously close to Stanford University. Having a massive party in a house that is mostly empty is definitely the way to go. Less shit to break.

I’d like to think that everyone who attends  our Rocktoberfest recognizes that, like Hold Steady albums and good beers, the most recent one is always the best one ever. This year was no exception.

Somewhere in the haze of music, drunk, and smoke, I realized why Rocktoberfest feels like a holiday to those who attend it and, as a sort of bonus realization, why rock ‘n’ roll is not a terrible substitute for a religion (when it doesn’t suck, of course). Let’s deal with the last thing first: at its best, rock ‘n’ roll creates community. When you go to see your favorite band, you share in the pure joy of music with a roomful of strangers. The audience and the band are all plugged in to something much bigger than the sum of its parts. The potential exists in that moment to meet new people and make new friends. You don’t have to do that, of course, but you totally can. And maybe you should. Rocktoberfest is a celebration of an ever-expanding community that started with five guys in a house. Those five guys didn’t always get along by any means, but Rocktoberfest creates a unique present in which the past is mostly obliterated while people sing along to songs like “This Fire” by Franz Ferdinand (modified by us so that the chorus is now, “This beer is out of control/ I’m gonna drink this beer/ drink this beer”) and “Holy Diver” by Dio (we poured one out for Ronnie James Dio this year). Sure, it’s silly. But what’s wrong with being silly?

What happened at Rocktoberfest this year was what I  imagine happened around Joe Strummer’s famous campfires at Glastonbury. Old friends met new friends, some of us had wives to bring, others had kids to leave at home. But for several hours of a Saturday, everyone was cool with everyone. For my part, I was deliriously happy. You can do this anytime you want, and you should. Gather your friends and some drinks and some great music, and celebrate your personal community. Rocktoberfest Acht was a reminder of why I love music and – more important – why I literally love a majority of the people I know. It’s not prayer and it won’t save you from much besides boredom, but it could provide you with one helluva a great night.

So, in the great words of Mr. Craig Finn, “Let this be my annual reminder/ that we can all be something bigger.” Go forward, kids, be awesome to each other, and rock the fuck on.

The Totally Not Brief History of Awesome American Music Pt. 7: Modern Times

Chances are, if you read Bollocks!, you are somewhat aware of American music history through the first part of the 21st century. And if you’re a ten-year-old reading this blog, well, you’ve learned some new words, haven’t you? Anyway, to conclude my less-brief-than-intended history of awesome American music, I’m just gonna sum up the decade in things I think are awesome.

And one thing I think is stupid. In the first part of the decade, Metallica got embroiled in a legal battle with Napster over the peer-to-peer sharing of Metallica’s catalogue of unintentionally hilarious songs about darkness, blackness, death, and so on. That doesn’t bother me one way or the other, but Lars Ulrich, Metallica’s shitty drummer, wrote an editorial for Newsweek in which he stated that Metallica didn’t make music for their fans. This comment has stuck in my craw for the better part of ten years because it smacks of the sort of fuck-you-I’ve-made-my-money ingratitude that deserves repeated face punchings. Ulrich basically said that Metallica doesn’t make music for the people who made them millionaires. Well, Lars, I’ve never really been of the opinion that your band made music at all. Fuck you, sir, and good day.

Wilco did two very awesome things in the last decade that are worth mentioning. First, they turned in Yankee Hotel Foxtrot to Reprise, a record label owned by AOL/Time-Warner. The label didn’t hear a single on the album (“Heavy Metal Drummer”, motherfuckers! But also, why would you sign a band like Wilco if you want radio hits?) and rejected it. Wilco left the label and, after streaming the whole thing on their website (for free, Metallica. And they’re poorer than you!) and building some buzz around it, they got snapped up by Nonesuch records and here’s the punchline: Nonesuch is a subsidiary of AOL/Time-Warner. So the Warner Music Group fired and rehired Wilco and looked like complete idiots in the process. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot was released to well-deserved critical acclaim. The second awesome thing Wilco did this decade has to do with file-sharing. When they were set to release A Ghost is Born, a dude brazenly emailed Jeff Tweedy to make sure he’d downloaded the properly sequenced version of the album. In response to this, rather than getting all litigious, Wilco set up a link to Doctors Without Borders on their website, allowing people to assuage their piratey guilt by donating to charity. They ended up raising a shitload of money for Doctors Without Borders and also issued a statement about how they don’t just exist to make records but to – gasp! – play music for their fans. So to recap, Wilco is awesome and Metallica is pretty much wrong about everything.

The 21st century has been all about revivalism so far, for good and ill. Bands like the White Stripes and the Black Keys have done a pretty good job of keeping the blues vital, even while idiots like Kenny Wayne Shepherd and John Mayer seek to destroy them. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings have almost single-handedly attempted to rescue soul and R&B music from auto-tuning and over-production, doing for that genre pretty much the exact opposite of what Brian Setzer did for swing in the late 1990s (well, to swing. Rape is something you do to people, not for them). And my beloved Hold Steady have taken classic rock out of your alcoholic stepdad’s hands and put it in the hands of people who read books (some of which don’t even have pictures).

There’s even hope for punk music, Green Day notwithstanding. Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, whose Brutalist Bricks may be their best album yet (and that’s saying something) is probably leading the charge, with fellow New Jersey-ites (New Jerseyians? Whatever) Titus Andronicus not far behind him. And the Thermals, who hail from my old stomping ground of Portland, Oregon, have been kicking ass for a few years now too. There’s also The Old Haunts, who should probably make another album now.

I started really paying attention to hip-hop in the last few years, even going back and listening to the old school stuff I’ve mentioned previously. Sage Francis was good when he was with Non-Prophets, and he should go back to that. Atmosphere might be the most bang for your hip-hop buck right now, as their last two albums have been nothing short of stellar. And since we’re talking about Minnesotans, you should know about Brother Ali as well. But if you want your hip-hop shit on the level of Coltrane, consider DOOM (formerly MF Doom) the hip-hop version of Interstellar Space. DOOM’s work is of a consistently higher quality than, well, pretty much everyone else’s. The dude even sampled a Bukowski poem on his last record. Of course, there are a couple of hip-hop producers of note, the two big ones being Madlib and Danger Mouse. Danger Mouse, of course, rose to fame by making the Gray Album, a mashup of Jay-Z’s Black Album and the Beatles’ White Album. Jay-Z got his panties in a twist over it and the album was litigated into its grave. Hey, Jay-Z: what the fuck do you expect people to do when you release an a cappella version of your album? Do you really think people like your voice that much? Asshole. Anyway, Danger Mouse went on to form half of Gnarls Barkley, produce an awesome Black Keys record, and cocreate Dark Night of the Soul with Sparklehorse (the late, totally underrated Mark Linkous).

I want to wrap up by talking about some women who I think are vital to American music right now…

I could have mentioned Ani DiFranco in the 1990s section, but she’s been going strong in the last decade as well, standing out as one of the most fiercely independent artists in American music right now. Dudes who can shed their ego enough to actually listen to her work will find that she writes very compelling songs and is one of the most unique acoustic guitarists I’ve ever heard.

Neko Case, as I believe I’ve mentioned before, is a goddess. End of story. If you’ve read this blog at all and don’t own Middle Cyclone, I don’t really understand your priorities. It’s like you’re striving to make your life less awesome.

I am secure enough in my whatever to admit that I like Alicia Keys, but I will like her a lot better when she fires her current producers, gets a lot more jaded, and becomes our next Aretha Franklin. I’m thinking this could happen by about 2030 (I know what I said about making predictions, but I reserve the right to contradict myself).

Bettye LaVette has been one of  the best-kept secrets in American music, and that’s really too bad. As a younger woman, she toured with Otis Redding. Later, she did a stint on Broadway with Cab Calloway. Her first full-length album, Child of the Seventies was inexplicably shelved by Atlantic records until 2000, when Gilles Petard released it as Souvenirs on his Art and Soul label. Eventually, LaVette was picked up by Anti-, the label that puts out Neko Case and Tom Waits records (that’s one helluva roster) and released I’ve Got My Own Hell to Raise in 2005. Since then, she’s enjoyed some renewed and deserved interest. I’ll be reviewing her album of British songs later this year.

So that’s pretty much everything I could think of to tell you about awesome American music. I know I missed some stuff and I know I deliberately skipped some stuff, but so be it. I’m compiling a page of essential American tracks that should be up soon, so you can look for that if you want. In the meantime, though, don’t be a musical xenophobe. There’s amazing music all over the world and you’ll probably like some of it if you give it a shot. Some time in the future, I’ll get back to regular reviews, but I’m getting married in 30 days and that’s gonna have an effect on the ol’ updating schedule. We’ll be in touch.

Put Your Hands Together (But Don’t Say “Power Pop”)

What’s sad about Together, the new New Pornographers’ album, being so damn good is that idiots will continue to maintain that the New Pornos are a “power” pop band which will lead to two things I can’t abide: 1) these clowns will continue to deride 2007’s highly underrated Challengers as some kind of misstep in an otherwise stellar career, 2) they will probably talk about Together using phrases like “return to form”, which is always annoying because it assumes that the New Pornographers only ever did one thing that you liked (and who the fuck are you to determine a band’s “form” if you’re not in the band?), and 3) people will continue using the phrase “power pop” as if it means anything at all. Okay, that’s three things I can’t abide.

Let me talk about number 3 for a minute. I have been bashing genre tags for a long time here at Bollocks! because I think they’re pointless. In some cases (post-rock, anyone?) they are unnecessarily academic and in other cases they are downright idiotic (shoegaze and power pop come to mind). What I think people mean when they say “power pop” is probably just “really great pop” because there’s nothing that distinguishes so-called power pop from, say, the kind of pop the Beatles did. The only difference to my ears is that, nowadays, you can be a very good pop band and never be heard on pop radio (this may call for a distinction I’ve made before: pop music is often thought of as simply “any music that is popular” but it also exists as a distinct style, usually featuring strong, memorable melodies that build to catchy choruses. Who’s being overly academic now?). This is not the New Pornographers’ fault, it’s the radio’s fault or rather, it’s the fault of the two or three corporate giants that own most of the radio stations and major record labels. And those corporate giants are simply doing their job: spoon-feeding people dog shit because people will pay for dog shit which is what economists refer to as “increasing the demand” for the dog shit said corporate giants are all too happy to provide. Ask and ye shall receive, America.

Okay. “Return to form.” This phrase also has to be phased out, along with the people who use it. There is only one form to which people think a band must eventually return and that is “the form they had on the last album of theirs I liked.” This is enormously selfish. The New Pornographers do not exist just to please a fistful of people (no band does, except maybe Metallica. By their own admission, Metallica exists to please Metallica and absolutely no one else). Near as I can tell, they exist to make really excellent pop music. When you say a band has “returned to form” you’re lazily saying they tried something that you didn’t like and now your narrow-minded ass is oh-so-relieved because they’re doing stuff you like once again, you selfish bastard. The New Pornographers’ form has always been “kick-ass pop music” so it is most accurate to say that Together represents a “continued non-deviation from form.”

In their continued non-deviation from form, the New Pornographers have crafted an excellent summer pop album (just in time, too – we’re about to embark on our nine months of summer here in Los Angeles and it’ll be good to have a nice selection of albums to play with the windows down. Well, with the AC cranked. You get the idea) with some of their best melodies yet, not to mention their best lyrics since Mass Romantic (which is my favorite New Pornos record in large part because of “The Slow Descent into Alcoholism,” which is possibly the most underrated pop song ever). As a playwright, I particularly relish, “cruel plays/ but then they made you/ mine all mine” from the album’s almost-title track, “Your Hands (Together)”.

With four featured vocalists (Neko Case, who is easily the best female vocalist working today – I know what I said on April Fool’s Day, but your ears are clogged with stupid if you really think that I or any other thinking person really believes that Mariah Carey is a better singer than Neko Case; Dan Bejar, whose work as Destroyer actually bores me to tears; A.C. Newman, whose two solo records are pretty good; and Kathyrn Calder, whom I’ve never heard outside of the New Pornographers), there’s plenty of dynamic opportunities in the New Pornographers and they don’t waste any of them on Together. From a melody/harmony perspective, this album might just be their best (so there’s clearly no need for the strictly verboten Return-to-Form. Also, I should point out that for me, the spectrum of New Pornographers albums runs from “Good” to “Fucking Awesome,” with the bulk of their work clumped toward the “Fucking Awesome” end) – Case and Calder, when not singing exquisite leads (the ladies pretty much win Together – Case on “The Crash Years” and “My Shepherd”, Calder on “Sweet Talk, Sweet Talk” and “Valkyrie In the Roller Disco”), provide excellent background vocals for Bejar and Newman, who more than adequately uphold their end of the bargain (as little as I like Bejar’s non-New Pornographers work, he seems to always bring his pop A-Game to their albums).

At the end of the day, of course, it matters very little how you classify (or even if you classify) the New Pornographers. If you like good music with clever lyrics and memorable melodies, you will like Together. I could repeat my rant from the end of my review of LCD Soundsystem’s This Is Happening, but why not attempt to initiate a proactive solution to the problem of massive, corporate radio suckitude? Let the less-discerning people you know hear albums like Together and This Is Happening and Heaven is Whenever and High Violet (wow, 2010 has been kind to me) and then let them use their dollars to demand that music. Will it bring the system to its knees, or at the very least make EMI close its doors forever out of pure shame? Of course not. Some people genuinely like the bullshit the radio pumps out at them and they might not like the aforementioned albums. But the world is already full of the noises they like. Why not even things out a bit by filling a little corner of the world with pop music the way the New Pornographers make it? Why not make “these things get  louder” (from Together‘s excellent opening track, “Moves” – featuring an electric fucking cello) a prophesy instead of just a catchy line? Who’s with me?

<sound of crickets chirping>

<sudden dawning of realization that not very many people read Bollocks! and that a revolution in which people just blast New Pornographers music from the rooftops is apt to be even more nebulous in execution than it was in conception>

<sound of beer being opened>

<opening notes of “Moves” from Together>

<happiness>

My Favorite Albums of 2009 5-1

I know we’re a few days in already, but I have a couple New Year’s resolutions I’d like to share with you, both of which pertain to language you find in abundance on the internet. The words “douche” (or “douchebag” or “douchetard” or “douchefuck” or et cetera) and “hipster” are used far too much on the internet. This year, I will not use the D-word (or any of its various permutations) on this blog. At all. Ever. It’s done. Don’t worry about me coming up with alternatives, either. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s finding new ways to hurl invective. As for the word “hipster,” when it comes to music, everyone thinks they know what a hipster is and everyone thinks it’s not them. It’s become a completely meaningless – and therefore useless – word. I don’t use that word a lot myself, but it is hereby banished from Bollocks! in the hopes that I can inspire other people on the internet to stop using it.

So let’s get on with the continuation of my meaningless – and therefore useless (but entertaining, one hopes) – list of my 13 favorite albums of 2009. Here’s the score so far:

13. Lord Cut-Glass, Lord Cut-Glass

12. Mike Doughty, Sad Man, Happy Man.

11. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It’s Blitz!

10. Brother Ali, Us

9. Camera Obscura, My Maudlin Career

8. The Minus 5, Killingsworth

7. The Future of the Left, Travels with Myself and Another

6. Andrew Bird, Noble Beast

And now here’s the top 5:

5. Sparklehorse and Danger Mouse, Dark Night of the Soul. I know, this album wasn’t technically released this year, but it damn well should have been. It’s still streaming on NPR’s website and the Wikipedia suggests that you can fire up your favorite torrent software and obtain a copy of the album for yourself at an exceedingly reasonable price. Sad thing is, Dark Night of the Soul is well worth the price of admission that EMI is so unwilling to charge. Featuring guest appearances by the likes of Wayne Coyne, Frank Black, and Iggy Pop (to name but a few), the album is pure beauty from start to finish. Danger Mouse has asserted himself as the preeminent collaborator of the last few years (perhaps of the decade, if you’re into that sort of declaration) and he and Mark Linkous (who collaborated on some of Sparklehorse’s underrated Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain) create gorgeous sonic landscapes upon which their friends (including David Lynch!) freely frolic. The highlights are numerous, but “The Man Who Played God” (featuring Suzanne Vega), “Insane Lullaby” (featuring the Shins’ James Mercer, who is partnering with Danger Mouse to release an album as Broken Bells later this year – I’m sure EMI will find some way to fuck it up, if at all possible), and “Star Eyes (I Can Catch It)” are my top 3. If you like music at all, find a way to hear this album, legality be damned!

4. Metric, Fantasies. I think 2009 was a pretty good year for the kind of pop music that I like to listen to. My favorite pop record of the year – no contest – is Fantasies by Metric. Emily Haines has an amazing, versatile voice and Fantasies is infused with loud guitars and pounding drums. This is the album you put on at top volume while flying down a freeway in the summer. And this is one band that understands brevity – the album is but ten tracks, but every single one is a killer. A different one gets stuck in my head on just about a daily basis, although “Sick Muse” and “Front Row” are the most frequent visitors. “Sick Muse” deserves special credit because, as the song builds to the chorus (where Haines sings “I’ll write you/ harmony in C”), it gives  me the feeling of going down a particularly awesome water slide or cannonballing into cool water from some dizzying height. That feeling is exactly the feeling you should get from pop music and it’s why Metric currently tops the list of bands I really need to see live.

3. TIE: Modest Mouse, No One’s First and You’re Next and Lucero, 1372 Overton Park. I know this is supposed to be some sort of exercise in perfectly ranking the albums I loved from last year, but there’s no escaping the fact that Modest Mouse and Lucero both made albums that I think are precisely the third best things I heard all year. No One’s First and You’re Next is technically an EP of songs recorded during sessions for Good News for People Who Like Bad News and We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, and the songs make it clear that they weren’t omitted for a lack of quality. “Satellite Skin” and “History Sticks to Your Feet” are instant classic Modest Mouse tunes, to say nothing of “Autumn Beds” and “King Rat.” Rather than being a miniature pile of odds ‘n’ sods, No One’s First is a potent reminder of the fact (indisputable!) that Isaac Brock is a brilliant lyricist and that Modest Mouse has become a formidable musical force for awesome.

I know I haven’t reviewed Lucero’s 1372 Overton Park, but that’s because I just got it in the last month and haven’t stopped listening to it long enough to write about it. Yeah, Ben Nichols’s voice is shredded (it has been said of Tom Waits that he sounds like he gargled whiskey and broken glass. In that spirit, you could say Ben Nichols was gargling whiskey and broken glass when he accidentally swallowed), but he still tells a great story, (mostly) carries a tune, and manages to wax anthemic as fuck on album opener “Smoke.” There’s a badass horn section on nearly every song, but rather than coming off as gimmicky, the horns perfectly augment Lucero’s busted-ass country rock and aid the band in making their best album since 2005’s Nobody’s Darlings, if it’s not their best album ever. You can have your Airborne Toxic Events and your Gaslight Anthems, but neither of those bands are fit to clear the (numerous) empty bottles from Ben Nichols’s table.

2. The Flaming Lips, Embryonic. If you watch the Grammys, it might be easy to forget that the word “artist” used to apply to a select group of people. On the Grammys, everyone’s an artist (for instance, Maroon 5 were named the best new artists of 2005. I’ll give you a minute if you need to go throw up), but in the really real world, the true musical artist is a dying breed. Or maybe not. Wayne Coyne, the Flamingest Lip, is a true musical artist, a guy who lives his art because it’s who he is. And in 2009, the Flaming Lips returned triumphantly with Embryonic, a spaced-out, bass-heavy, fuzzy hippie nightmare. Not nearly as experimental as Pitchfork would have you believe, Embryonic is nonetheless a powerful rock record featuring the Lips’ usual meditations on life, love, good, evil, ego, and death. And it all ends with the cosmic dance party “Watching the Planets,” the video for which features naked adults being born out of a giant vagina ball. No, really.

MY FAVORITE ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

1. Neko Case, Middle Cyclone. If we learned anything last year, I think we learned that Neko Case is a goddess. Three years after releasing the excellent Fox Confessor Brings the Flood, Ms. Case topped herself with Middle Cyclone. Such beauty! Such violence: “Their broken necks will line the ditch until you stop it/ stop this madness” (from “This Tornado Loves You”); “The next time you say ‘forever’/ I will punch you in your face” (“The Next Time You Say Forever”); people are “filleted” on the stairs (“Polar Nettles”), and, of course, surprised when they’re eaten by man-eaters (“People Got A Lotta Nerve”). I could discuss at length, as other have, the obvious metaphors for romance as a force of nature (sometimes beautiful, sometimes deadly), but beyond all that academic shit, what the music of Middle Cyclone is – above all else – is almost profoundly gorgeous. Of the fourteen songs here, there are probably eight that give me chills every time I hear them. Listening to the album again (for the billionth time – if I ever get sick of this record, you can stick bamboo splinters soaked in lemon juice under my fingernails), the dreamlike “Prison Girls” is the one that really has a hold on me. For a while it was “Magpie to the Morning.” And so on. Neko Case is among the best singers in music right now, bar none, and Middle Cyclone is a stunning achievement. If you haven’t heard this album, there is a hole in your life that can, I suspect, be easily filled. Also, it bears repeating that Middle Cyclone‘s cover is among the most badass things I’ve ever seen.