EMI: Why People Hate (and Happily Steal from) The Major Labels

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That image is Ms. Ann Coulter, courtesy of a Google Image search for “heinous evil.” I kid you not.

Why would I put Ann Coulter’s bony, bitchy visage on my otherwise wholesome blog? Well, because I searched for an image of heinous evil and could find none better than Coulter. Because she sucks.

Why is heinous evil on my mind? Because EMI, in an act of infinite stupidity, has killed the “official” release of the album Dark Night of the Soul, an awesomely awesome collaboration between Sparklehorse and DJ Danger Mouse that was meant to accompany a book of photos from David Motherfucking Lynch. If that doesn’t sound amazing enough for you (what do you want?), here are some of the collaborators on the album: Frank Black, Iggy Pop, and the Flaming Lips. You read that right: DJ Danger Mouse producing a song featuring Sparklehorse and the Flaming Lips. You’re right, EMI, who wants to hear that? Oh yeah – everyone who is awesome wants to hear that.

Here’s the thing: EMI yanked the official release over a “legal dispute”, the details of which they’ve refused to divulge to anyone at all. But basically, if Danger Mouse puts the album out, he could get sued by the label. For putting out awesome music. In a move that is one hundred percent commensurate with his badassery, Danger Mouse is reportedly releasing a blank CD with the book (which is getting a release) and telling us to “use it as you will.” (I think he wants us to do something with the disc. What on earth could it be?)

But I don’t think that’s enough. So I wrote a letter to EMI. Here it is, in its entirety:

You guys have torpedoed the release of Dark Night of the Soul, the collaboration between DJ Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse. That is a dick move, EMI. Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse have, judging by the stream I heard on NPR, put together a really great album there. So why not just put the fucking thing out already? I know Keith Urban is pulling in the big bucks for ya there, so maybe you could throw people with actual taste a bone here and put out Dark Night. People want to hear the music – your customers want to hear this music, and you’re denying them the chance. And I suppose you’ll get all irritated when people pirate the album because you’re too dumb to release it and give it the same marketing love you lavish on, say, Katy Perry (who sucks, by the way). This is why big labels are dying, EMI. You can bestow one last gift upon the world before you go, or you can continue to engage in legal bitchery like you’re currently pulling with Dark Night of the Soul. I can guess which option you’ll choose.
Sincerely,
Matt Chorpenning

I thought about trying to organize a boycott of EMI’s roster, but 1) most of their roster sucks and 2) I wouldn’t want people to stop supporting artists they love just because they’re on a crap label. So here’s what I thought of: teach kids to pirate EMI artists. Particularly the bestselling ones. If you know kids who are into Keith Urban or Katy Perry, why not instruct them in the ways of internet piracy – tell the kids that they’ll save money. In these hard economic times, that message will really resonate with them. And you might actually be turning away someone who might actually purchase an EMI album, which will hit ’em where it really hurts (as opposed to where it theoretically hurts, as when the labels act like everyone who downloads an album would’ve bought it if they couldn’t get it for free). Do this anonymously, of course. I don’t want Bollocks! readers to get sued or anything, but if you happen to tell a kid that there happens to be a way he/she/it can maybe get a Keith Urban record for free, where’s the harm? Tell ’em your name is Axl Rose or Billy Corgan. Let those assholes take the fall.

Anyway, if you wanna send EMI an email (I don’t believe that an email campaign will cause them to stop being twats, but if you’re like me and have spare time, you can enjoy talking shit to them and let them know how much they suck), here’s the linkage:http://www.emi.com/page/emi/Feedback/0,,12641,00.html

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One thought on “EMI: Why People Hate (and Happily Steal from) The Major Labels

  1. Pingback: The Bollocks! Summer of Badass Women: Ani DiFranco « Bollocks!

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