Metallica: Still A Hat Full of Assholes

Look, I’m not gonna review a Metallica album on this site because Metallica… well, they fucking suck. Do you hear me, Metallica? You guys cannot even play. You suck so bad that future generations will think you’re a joke band like Spinal Tap. Seriously, fuck you guys.

Apparently, Metallica, whose disdain for any fans they have left is palpable, invited bloggers to a listening party and then got their metallic panties all in a bunch when a blogger (gasp!) blogged about the album. Apparently, said blogger was high because they said something about the album being a “return to form.” I’m guessing the blogger (from a Brit blog called Quietus) was not thinking of the form of a “steaming monkey turd,” but we may never know because Douche-tallica raised a stink and got the dude’s blog taken down.

10 thoughts on “Metallica: Still A Hat Full of Assholes

  1. Fuuuuuh-huuuuuuuck Metallica. Their douchery has long been chronicled, and it is foretold that soon shall they complete a terrible cycle, laden with douche-nozzlery so astrometrically proportioned, an Ulrichian horror so fraught with bullshit, as to be palpable! Hear my words and tremble, cosmos! Metallica are bags-of-douche of antediluvian manifest!

  2. I downloaded St. Anger 3 times just for spite. All three were terrible. When does Re-St. Anger come out?

  3. Fuck Metallica. The best thing they had was Dave Mustaine, and he left to form a band with at least some kind of sense of humor.

  4. Fu-uck Metallica. They have huge egos to compensate for their tiny male members. I watched some of their ego-stroking leg hump fest of a movie, and they all strutted around like they were the most important “artists” in the world. I hope everyone will stop buying their regurgitated shit.

  5. Heaven forbid people express their opinion, good or bad. Metallica- fuck you guys. You could use a little constructive criticism. And a kick in the nards, but that’s just MY OPINION.

  6. Ah, yes. Metallica’s fear and ignorance of the modern digital age is legendary. I do not approve or their style and their music is marginal at best.

    -= Chris

  7. Fuck Metallica. Seriously.

    -Rob

  8. So, here’s the deal. . . The Rolling Stones are no longer relevant, but at least they still suggest that they have a modicum of respect for the music and for their fans. . . That’s more than I can say for the infuriatingly self-aggrandizing cunts that comprise the no-longer-relevant band Metallica. What these soulless little fuckers have done is drain whatever dignity and humility we expect to find in people lucky enough to play music FOR A LIVING!!!!! Get over yourselves and your misguided little social missions, Metallica. Pissing and moaning about Napster doesn’t make you music any less insipid than it is, and if your “anger” is some kind of ruse to justify the fact that you possess an unwarranted messianic status amongst the disillusioned youth.

    In short, fuck you guys.

  9. It appears I may be a few years late for this post but my disdain for douchebaggery has no time limit. FUCK YOU METALLICA! Quite honestly I thought you guys sucked back in the 80′s and you suck now. Yes yes I will admit you had a few good songs back then but the way you act today like a buch of over the hill tool bags whose shit doesnt stink makes me sick. Grow up or better yet just die. The world could care less about anything you have to say or sing about. Its too bad you cant just be happy with your lives instead of being assholes to your fans who made you famous. You are friggn rich as hell, you have fullfilled your dreams of becomeing rockstars you have a life some of us only dream of and yet you whine about Napster you cancel shows you fuck with fans and you practice censorship on blogs. You suck Douchetallica. Shut the fuck up. The next time I need any of your lip I’ll unzip my pants.

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